"Happy Birthday Angie" by Daze Earth - Just A Bit More Decoration Please.

I just finished reading "Happy Birthday, Angie" by Daze Earth, at the BDSM Library.


Story Codes: F+/f spanking D/s reluctant humiliation Forced Heavy Synopsis: Angela's birthday party goes horribly wrong despite her meticulous, yet poor planning. No one turns up for the party except Nikki and Tamara who weren't originally on the guest list. The two beautiful and mischievous sisters take control of Angela and soon the birthday girl finds herself stripped down to her birthday suit. The sisters invite their friends over and the party kicks off. Having fun at Angela's expense becomes the name of the game as the girls tease, humiliate and finally fuck the unhappy birthday girl. 

Generally when I read a BDSM erotica story, I find myself rooting for the antagonist, rather than the protagonist.  It's quite simple really.  BDSM erotica is DESIGNED that way, thus creating a rather intense fantasy in which the reader insinuates themselves into the story, even if it is only as an inactive observer.  Occasionally though, I end up feeling sorry for the victim of whatever perverted fantasy I'm working my way through, and such was the case for poor Angie Pangie in "Happy Birthday, Angie." 

First of all, let me say that I was quite impressed with the WRITING ability demonstrated in this story.  Sentence structure was phenomenal, with compound sentences adding depth and complexity, no errors that I saw, and a decent vocabulary that kept me engaged and not put off.  Mastering these skills is no mean feat and for a free story at the BDSM Library, is quite refreshing.  

In the story, stuck up and un-loved Angela is throwing her OWN birthday party, which might just be the perfect example of what's wrong with this girl.  She's bought her own exotic party foods, decorated the place herself, and generally done all of this without confirming a single RSVP first.  As it turns out, none, and I do mean NONE, of her friends are able to come to the party.  Why?  There is ANOTHER party going on.  Some friends.  Nothing is every implied or said, but I can't help thinking that the antagonists of this story, Tamara and her sister Nikki are involved some how.

Tamara and Nikki show up however and using a combination of quick wits and Angie's submissive cluelessness, they manage to strip her naked, abuse her, humiliate her, and then in a per-arranged set up, have a whole group of THEIR friends arrive.  Angie, who has the will power of a doughnut addict, allows herself to be paraded around naked, spanked, and eventually butt fucked with a dildo before spending the rest of the evening on her parent's bed, screwed in every hole by a cadre of sadistic girls.

Yep.

The story, despite it's short length, comes in three parts, which separates the main plot developments nicely.  Most importantly, the sexual tension in the story progresses smoothly from the introduction of Nikki and Tamara, all the way through to the end, with greater sexual mayhem at the climax.  I found the climax (a pin the tale in the donkey game) rather fun, but felt that the resolution was rushed.  In fact, the entire night's culmination of being gang raped by a group of girls with strap-on dildos seemed more interesting.  Did Angie Pangie enjoy her evening?  Did she cum?  Is the taste of another girl's sex still on her tongue?  Instead of these questions being answered, Angela is left asleep in the center of the bed.

The only character vividly described in "Happy Birthday, Angie" was of course Angela herself.  The other characters, including Tamara, who is arguably the second main character, are rather two dimensional.  For a moment, Nikki's revelation that Angela was her Sunday School teacher eight or so years prior gives a glimmer of motive and depth, but it is quickly lost as Nikki's sister Tamara takes the lead in abusing Angela.  The other descriptions provided are of action only, leaving the other "girls" involved nothing but figments of the reader's imagination.  Angela's residence must be stark and gray with the exception of the party decorations, because nothing else is described.  Hell, the author doesn't even provide an explanation for the person sized cardboard box in the backyard.  Did Angela just buy a new refrigerator or washer for her parents?  Who the hell keeps huge cardboard boxes in their backyard just in case they need a place to hide?  I also think the author wasted an opportunity with such a wide variety of other girls at the party.  Each one could have been introduced by Tamara and Nikki, only to inflict some personal and degrading sexual torture on Angela.  It would have been fun.

In summary, "Happy Birthday, Angie" had a lot to offer as a short story.  I feel like an appropriate metaphor would be that of a blacksmith forging a sword.  In this case, the sword is perfectly functional, sharp and nicely balanced.  But like the story itself, this sword is straight and too the point, with little adornment besides the wickedly edged tip.  While Daze Earth has done a good job with Angela and her party, I think a bit more decoration would serve us well.

Read "Happy Birthday, Angie" by Daze Earth here!

Sexy Labor Day - By Sadey Quinn. A Tasty BDSM Casserole.

I just finished "Sexy Labor Day" by Sadey Quinn, available at the BDSM Library for free.

Story Codes: M/f M/f+ M+/f F/f M/m F/m MF/f exhibition spanking toys voyeurism D/s B/D S/M BDSM slavery bondage real consensual humiliation Serious Synopsis: Sadey hosts a Labor Day BBQ which doubles as her birthday party and book release fiesta. Her Master makes a rule: the only gifts that may be given to Sadey must be used on her during the festivities. Sadey is spanked, licked, and humiliated... and she loves it.

There are times when sloppy sex is totally appropriate, and "Sexy Labor Day" by Sadey Quinn is no exception.

In "Sexy Labor Day" we are treated to a first person narrative with the author as narrator giving us a basic journal entry into what her "Labor Day" birthday celebration was like. Personally, I'm not a big fan of journal entry fiction because all too often it is an attempt to memorialize real events and reality doesn't usually translate into a "story" all that well. "Sexy Labor Day" isn't really an exception to this and there are one or two brief passages that will have you rolling your eyes. For example, Sadey gives us the actual menu she planned for the party. Seriously. In fact, I'm surprised we didn't also get the recipe for her tomato-basil-mozzarella stacks. (BTW, I WOULD like the recipe for these.) That said, the REST of Sexy Labor Day is actually a pretty decent piece of erotica that brings together the necessary ingredients for success.

BDSM at it's best. Oh wait, sorry. That's a tomato-basil-mozzarella stack. My bad.

First of all, the sexual tension in "Sexy Labor Day" is incredible. The primary plot device within the story is the fact that the main character's dom has requested that the guests coming to celebrate labor day/Sadey's birthday also bring a gift they can actually USE on her. From an author's perspective, this is ingenious and allows for all sorts of mischief and mayhem to occur in a readily controlled manner. The author does this by introducing various gifts, which are then immediately used upon the main character. I enjoyed the whipping bench, the glass dildo, and of course the tiger balm, but I felt that the coupon book, used as a means to provide the one lesbian action scene, was rather indistinct. I would have loved to hear what the other coupons were for.

The climax of the story is of course the birthday spanking, delivered by the massive Syd, who provides a butt blistering capstone to the entire smorgasmborg of sexual deviance. (Yes, I know. I created the word "smorgasmborg". But it's applicable, trust me.)



From a grammatical perspective, there were a lot of minor errors, wrong words, minor misspellings, and of course the oddly irritating "N" in place of an actual name for the main character's master. We also ended quite a few sentence in prepositional phrases and there were a couple of sentence that I personally thought were run-ons. But despite these issues, the writing is strangely compelling, since it comes across as very honest and real.

Descriptions within first person are always difficult to do and Sadey Quinn steps up to the plate and hits a solid double straight out into right field. Action is of course her steady staple, but we also frequently get solid insights and pictures of props and most importantly, other characters. I had no trouble envisioning the gay guys, or Syd, or especially Mistress Tracey. I also have to compliment Ms. Quinn on her "anti-description" of the main character. All too often authors recite things like bust size, or dress size, or have the classic "I'm a..." statement which is supposed to paint a picture of the main character in our minds. Instead, Ms. Quinn leaves it to our imagination and uses the WAY the narrator character converses with us and her guests to paint that picture. It's actually rather exquisite. Me personally? I can't help picturing "Sadey" as a lushly curved brunette, with huge brown eyes, a smile that makes men's knees knock, large nipples, a perfectly proportioned but rather spankable, cushy tusky, and long dark eyelashes. How close am I? Who knows? But it makes me wish I had been invited to this party. I know exactly what I'd get for Sadey.



I still cant shake the feeling that "Sexy Labor Day" was less of a story and more of a recounting of an actual event, with just a little bit of "historical fiction" thrown in to smooth out the rough edges. I'd be interested to know if I'm right. But no matter what, this dish is a healthy and hearty serving of a BDSM casserole that is tasty, fun, and only needs a few ingredients tossed before it becomes a holiday favorite.

Read Sadey Quinn's "Sexy Labor Day"!

Silhouette Sunday by Ghostwriter. Heaven Is Bliss

I just read through Ghostwriter's Silhouette Sunday , posted for free at the BDSM Library.

Story Codes: M/f M+/f+ D/s BDSM bondage ScFi humiliation Synopsis: In times past, women were either maidens or whores. In the future, they are both.

Space. The final frontier. These are the tales of a group of colonists who crash land on planet hell and become...

Really weird.

I was sort of blown away by the intriguing nature of Silhouette Sunday. The story in it's basic form describes a culture supposedly started by Christian Zealots but seems to resemble modern day Islam. Women wear veils, they can't watch television, the news, or drive. They're responsible for the children... yada, yada, yada.

At least half the time.

The other half of the time women are forced through mind control to wear "pony outfits" and prance around behind carts. Yes folks, future society on the planet of Silhouette has really evolved into something impressive.


In "Silhouette Sunday", the story is told from the perspective of one of the wives of Silhouette. Right from the start you get the feeling that all is not right with the world while she describes their religious services. Basically women have two roles in this society: maiden and whore. The gender inequality gets even more obvious as her husband leads her to their "clubhouse" for a round of "whore." Later at home, my mind was boggled when she spends hours "praying" while the husband plays with the kids.

From a grammar perspective, Silhouette Sunday is well written. Sentence structure uses a decent combination of compound and simple sentences and except for the continuing problems that the BDSM Library is experiencing with their HTML reader, I didn't notice any glaring issues. It's always nice to get someone who can write correctly.

The plot of "Silhouette Sunday" was a bit of a mystery to me. "Mentally coerced woman tells of her life on Planet Silhouette," seems a bit basic. Additionally, the author spent a lot of time, and I mean A LOT in setting up the basic societal structure. To make matters more interesting, the author is clearly a Trekkie and put his fictional society on a fictional planet in Gene Roddenberry's fictional "Star Trek" universe. I kind of got hung up on this fact for a bit. A talented author like Ghostwritter shouldn't have needed to use the "world" of someone else. The "Trekkie" parts were quite limited and it should have been easy to create an alternative to "Starfleet".

The society on Silhouette intrigues me though. Obviously the men are allowed to mind control the women and for some reason have balanced things out between "maiden" and "whore". Why? Why the hell would any man choose to have his wife as a "maiden" clad in curve hiding veils at all times?

Why on earth (or anywhere else for that matter) would you want THIS?

Hell, if I were on this planet, my wife would not only be a practically constant "whore", but she'd be pulling MY cart naked for god's sake.

Especially when you can have this full time?

After I and my friends got done using her in every way possible, I might THEN let her beg for the mental release of "heaven", allowing her to cum. Also, what's with the "pain" command? If I want my whore to experience pain, I'll spank her, or whip her, or put clamps on her. Here these guys are on a planet that allows them to use mind control on all of their women and what are they doing with it? I'm all for a woman being on her knees for hours at a time, but she should at LEAST have a cock in her mouth, right? The praying sounds like a way not to spend time with your wife. I guess if you want to watch the game, it might be good to get her out of the way, but really, I'd rather just lock her in "whore" mode and tell her to start praying with my cock in her mouth and to not block my view of the television.

In essence, I'm not sure this society is a viable one. Sure, it's intriguing. But look at the opportunities they miss out on! Of course, I'm booking passage for me and my wife on the next transport ship out to Silhouette. It's time for a little religious reformation and if the Federation Council doesn't like what's happening there now, just wait till it becomes a hotter vacation spot than Risa.

Read Ghostwriter's "Silhouette Sunday" on the BDSM Library!

Doctoral Discipline by Madison McLean. Thinking Beyond The Fantasy

Recently I read through Madison McLean's story "Doctoral Discipline" posted for free on the BDSM Library.

Story Codes: no codes by author Synopsis: a young graduate student learns a lot about her professor (and herself) after her grades start to slip

Who IS this girl?

Since this is Ms. McLean's first story posted to the BDSM Library, I want to take a moment to point out some good things, and some areas to work on.

First of all, let's talk about plot. As fellow reviewer JimmyJump commented, this classic plot has been literally done to death. However I hold that a quality author can always make even an old tired plot sing provided they have the chops to bring something special to the scenario. In Doctoral Discipline, nothing specific stood out to make this rise above the hordes of other "schoolgirl gets blackmailed into sexual abuse by their teacher" stories. Add something original, something with pizazz that brings your story to life.

One thing that was well done was the sexual tension progression within the story. It was gradual and moved nicely, though there didn't seem to be a definitive climax since the spanking scene at the end was rather brief. The resolution (or should I say cliffhanger?) obviously sets up part two, or additional chapters, which means this is a serial story, something I detest. Writing serials is a difficult proposition for most authors. You can't just write a quarter of a story, post it, and expect your readers to enjoy. Timing is crucial. Like episodic television, serials must have an overall arc, spanning the entire tale, while each individual "episode" or "part" must carry that plot as well as be a self-contained story as well.

Ms. McLean's grammar was relatively decent, with no major mistakes. I'd brush up on comma use, especially around quotation dialog, and watch my compound sentences, since they tended toward being run-ons.

Now let's talk about character construction. Professor Matthews was relatively two dimensional, with little to no depth. This was probably intentional as we get further glimpses into his perverted and disturbing psyche as the story progresses. However, the character "Madison McLean" (yes, the author wrote HERSELF into the story), has much more depth. Yet despite this, her behavior horribly confused me. At first, I expected to get some sort of explanation for her sleeping in class. She admittedly is a good student, won a scholarship, and yet for some reason can't seem to stay awake in lipid biochemistry. At the graduate level. So what's going on? Madison then goes on to agree to Professor Matthew's "extra credit" requirements without even TRYING to explain. Madison's attitude becomes even stranger when she arrives for her first session - remember she's usually a straight A student, a scholarship recipient, and is just having trouble with this one class, right? - And has trouble accepting Professor Matthew's dress code and corporal punishment rules. After a brief, and I do mean extremely brief objection, Madison suddenly becomes totally subservient on a level that even the most submissive women dream of. Seriously, other than a failing grade, Matthews has NOTHING on this girl. Why is she yielding? She could turn right back around, pull out her cell phone, take pictures of the clothes and the paddle and Matthews, storm out, go straight to the Dean, and say that Matthews was manipulating her grade in order to force her to serve some sort of sick sexual fantasy of his. Trust me, she'd be making a good grade in minutes as the University tried to hush THAT up. But hey, maybe Madison isn't as smart as she thinks she is. Or maybe Madison is academically intelligent, but when it comes to real life and common sense, she's been a little short changed in the brains department. Or heck, maybe secretly, deep down inside, despite the fact she's a graduate student (meaning well over 19 years old), she secretly longs to be a little school girl and to be spanked by her teacher. Um... I have trouble believing that. In any event, Madison's behavior is not just troubling, it's odd. The author's description of the girl does NOT match her behavior and that just sets my teeth on edge.

To be honest, and clued in by the fact that the main character and the author share a name, I'm guessing this story is a fantasy the author has frequently wished she could experience. She slipped quite a bit into the role, moving the character quickly into the desired action, and not making it real clear what motivated the fictional Madison to follow the author's heart. I don't think this is a bad thing. Hell, I've written myself into one or two stories here and there, but authors have to remember that when you post your story, it means you have an audience larger than one. I think Madison McLean has the chops to write some decent erotica once she starts thinking beyond the fantasy.

Read "Doctoral Discipline"by Madison McLean